Finding Identity in the Desert
In the thick of the pandemic, I returned to El Paso, Texas, on the U.S.-Mexico border, where I was raised, for what I thought would be a temporary stay. But the desert whispered, and after years away, my body hungered for the quiet wisdom of this land. As I settled back into my hometown, I found myself being more discreet around my family, who were not accepting of my queerness. But I discovered solace in the vibrant queer community in Ciudad Juárez, Mexico, where I was born.
A Connection to Culture
I inherited my love for Juan Gabriel, a Mexican showman, from my mother. He was her first crush and her ultimate hometown hero. His music became a source of liberation for me, allowing me to express my queerness and connect with my Mexican roots. Juan Gabriel’s tender femininity was a radical quality in a Mexico entrenched in machismo and homophobia. He managed to embody his Mexican roots while also exuding queerness – two ideas that were once at odds in our culture.
A Legacy of Identity
As I delved deeper into Juan Gabriel’s life and legacy, I discovered that he never publicly admitted to being gay, and we will never truly know how he identified. However, I came across long-lost prison records that suggest he may have been arrested and charged with crimes like pedophilia, a common tactic used to persecute queer people in the late 1960s. Despite this, he was beloved, even if his queer identity remained taboo. His legacy serves as a reminder that our identities are complex and multifaceted, and that acceptance is often messy and nonlinear.
A Personal Journey
As I navigated my own coming-out story, I struggled to reconcile my queerness with my Mexican heritage. I told my mother years ago that I’d fallen in love with someone who wasn’t a man, and she responded with a cryptic tone and silence. I chose to accept her silence, and more recently, I told her I wanted to get married – that I was in love outside the confines of gender. She wondered if she’d done something wrong when raising me, but she said she accepted me as I was. "I’m here to support you and love you," she said. A win, albeit a checkered one, is a win.
Conclusion
Juan Gabriel’s songs were the thread that helped me stitch together different patches of my identity. His music became a source of liberation, allowing me to express my queerness and connect with my Mexican roots. His legacy serves as a reminder that our identities are complex and multifaceted, and that acceptance is often messy and nonlinear. As I continue on my journey, I am grateful for the quiet wisdom of the desert and the connection I have made with my culture and community.
FAQs
Q: What is Juan Gabriel’s significance in Mexican culture?
A: Juan Gabriel is a legendary Mexican showman who embodied his Mexican roots while also exuding queerness – two ideas that were once at odds in our culture. He is a symbol of liberation and self-expression for many Mexicans.
Q: Why is Juan Gabriel’s queer identity important?
A: Juan Gabriel’s queer identity is important because it challenges traditional gender norms and stereotypes. His music and performances were a source of liberation for many queer people in Mexico, allowing them to express themselves freely.
Q: How did Juan Gabriel’s legacy impact the author’s coming-out story?
A: Juan Gabriel’s legacy served as a source of inspiration and liberation for the author, allowing them to express their queerness and connect with their Mexican roots. His music and performances helped the author navigate their coming-out story and find acceptance from their family.
Q: What is the significance of the desert in the author’s story?
A: The desert represents a connection to the author’s hometown and culture. It is a symbol of quiet wisdom and a reminder of the author’s roots. The desert also serves as a source of comfort and solace for the author as they navigate their coming-out story.
