The Desert Whispers: A Queer Latino American’s Journey
Growing up in El Paso, Texas, along the US-Mexico border, I often felt disconnected from my Latinx heritage. But during the pandemic, I returned to my hometown and was drawn back to the tranquility of the desert. It was there, surrounded by the vast expanse of the Chihuahuan Desert, that I began to reconnect with my roots and my queer identity.
I was no longer the same person I had been before I left for New York and Boston, where I had lived openly as a queer woman. In El Paso and Ciudad Juárez, my birthplace, I was more guarded, especially with my family. Despite the many queer individuals living openly and freely in the city, none of them were my family.
As COVID restrictions lifted, I began crossing the border on foot to visit my friends in Ciudad Juárez, where we would sing karaoke together and I would belt out my favorite Juan Gabriel songs. His music has always been a source of solace and liberation for me, and singing along with my friends was a way for me to express myself and process my emotions.
The Power of Music
Music has the power to help us understand ourselves and our identities. Juan Gabriel’s gentle femininity was a radical quality in a Mexico that was often deeply patriarchal and homophobic. He embodied both his Mexican roots and his queerness, two concepts that had often been in conflict in our culture. I inherited my love for Juanga from my mother, who had her own unapologetic enthusiasm for his music. For her, Juan Gabriel was not only an artist but a hometown hero, and his music reminded her of the vibrant nightlife and parties in Juárez, where we would often go as a family.
When I told my friends from the US about Juan Gabriel’s influence on me, I would tell them to imagine an artist as revolutionary and prolific as Prince, but with a Mexican flair that was unparalleled. According to some, Juan Gabriel is responsible for making more people laugh, cry, and dance than anyone else.
Uncovering the Secrets
In my childhood, Juan Gabriel was one of the first artists my family talked about with suspicion, as if we speculated about his sexuality. His soaring voice and provocative movements had been deemed too bold for the strict gender conventions of the time. He showed us that the concept of queerness was rich and complex, and it certainly didn’t fit into a binary box. When I delved into research for a podcast about his life and legacy, I discovered records in the Mexican national archive that hinted at Juan Gabriel’s connections with law enforcement, who had once used tactics like entrapment to target queer individuals. It is unclear whether Juan Gabriel himself was detained or accused, but his story highlights the often-painful history of policing queer lives.
Coming to Acceptance
Despite the challenges and struggles he faced, Juan Gabriel’s impact was immense. His music, and the way he lived his life, offered a beacon of hope for many young Latinx queer individuals, like me. As I navigated my own journey of self-discovery, I faced resistance and rejection, but I also learned the value of acceptance and understanding. My own journey of coming out and claiming my queer identity was marked by silences and misunderstandings, but ultimately, my family has come to accept me for who I am.
Conclusion
Juan Gabriel’s music and legacy have given me the courage to be myself, even when the world around me seemed unprepared for my existence. He reminds me that our identities are multifaceted and that our roots do not define us. As a queer Latina, I have found solace in the vast expanse of the desert and in the powerful music of Juan Gabriel, a true icon of Mexican and queer culture.
FAQs
Q: What was your experience growing up queer in a Latino family?
A: Growing up, I felt disconnected from my roots and struggled to express my queer identity, especially with my family. It was only when I returned to my hometown and started exploring my heritage and my queerness that I began to find acceptance and understanding.
Q: What was your relationship like with Juan Gabriel’s music?
A: Juan Gabriel’s music has always been a source of comfort and liberation for me. His songs remind me of my cultural heritage and my queer identity. They give me the courage to be myself and express myself authentically.
Q: How did Juan Gabriel’s identity intersect with his Mexican heritage?
A: Juan Gabriel’s identity was deeply connected to his Mexican roots. He embodied his queer identity with the same fierce and beautiful energy that he brought to his Mexican culture. His music was a fusion of these two identities, and it continues to inspire me to this day.
Q: How does Juan Gabriel’s legacy influence your own journey as a queer Latinx individual?
A: Juan Gabriel’s legacy reminds me that I am part of a larger community of queer individuals who have come before me and have fought for their rights and their visibility. He shows me that my queerness is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be celebrated.
